Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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