she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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