I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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