Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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