Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
