New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
