I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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