i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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