Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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