why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
