and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Alive.
So much puke
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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