I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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