I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize