i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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