oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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