I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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