Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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