im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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