you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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