Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
