tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
