we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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