Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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