I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
