I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
