you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize