he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
