Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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