Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
