Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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