I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
