Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
