Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
