i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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