I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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