based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
