Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, beer. Big fan.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
