you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
