Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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