This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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