I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
