you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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