I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
did you just send me my own nude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
