You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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