so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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