remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
