she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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