So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
