I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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