Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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