Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
