Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
