Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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