let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
