i was born a porn star she said
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
