I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
