Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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