I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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