i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
