Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
