Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
