there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
