He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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