This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
