So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
