im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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