Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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