Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
