I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
