doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
