Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
