Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
